Friday, March 31, 2006

Another Wonderful Weekend Ahead

Whoopie, it's that time again!
The Rattlesnake Rodeo is here.
This handsome fellow is going to be entertaining us...

Joe Nichols

Joe has some awesome songs. Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off, What's A Guy Gotta Do, and of course The Impossible, which is what you hear playing.
I have VIP tickets,(which means I get a meet & greet/upclose and personal with him) and friends coming in from out of town. It's gonna be another great weekend in Wandaworld.
Wish ya'll were here!!
Really, I DO!!!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

it took 10,000 angels to walk me outta there...

No Man Woman In His Her Wrong Heart

On the inside flap of a matchbook cover
He made me the kind of offer
No woman in a weak state could outrun
I tried to think what a lady would say
For turnin' that kind of opportunity away
I tried my best to tell him I'm not the right one
Like no woman in her wrong heart would've done

I said no thank you
Like no woman would've said if she wasn't in love
With you the way I am
It could've been easy for me to be a goner
But something a whole lot stronger made me run
Like no woman in her wrong heart would've done

Didn't want him to think that I wasn't flattered
His interest in me, believe me it mattered
So I dropped several quarters in the old jukebox
I said I want you to dance all night on me
In a lucky woman's arrms
Whoever she might be

Then I hit that door like I was shot from a gun
Like no man in his wrong heart would've done

Yeah, it was THAT kind of weekend.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


1st---Martha's Way*
*Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Now---Maxine's Way * *
**Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

**Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

*Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

**If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

**Celery? Never heard of it!

*Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

**The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

**Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! (works for me)

*If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

*Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you. (I REALLY like this one)

*Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

**Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!

**The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

**Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

**Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

**After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

**As usual, if you don't forward this to 10 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will fall off. Really... it's true! Have I ever lied to you?

I'll share details of the weekend as soon as I can put two coherent thoughts together.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. (I can personally vouch for this one!)
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.(Again, I can vouch for this one!)
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. (Do I even need to say anything?)
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel w! as also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. (Have I told ya'll how much I lurrrrrrvvvve ya?)
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Recently I read this statement in a fellow bloggers site...
"For a very brief second or two as I was listening to the lyrics, I considered the fact that I was forty five years old and that maybe, just maybe, my better days were already behind me.

Fuck, who am I kidding?
My life kicks more ass and takes more names than the law allows, and I'm just getting warmed up.
Really, it's that good.

Are you feeling old, tired, over the hill, and beaten down?
Tough shit.
It's your own fault you know, so get off your ass and do something about it before it's over.
Seriously, you're in control, now go live your life, ya rockhead."

I do believe that's the best advice I've heard in a long time. Which just goes to show, even dickheads make good sense once in awhile.

I'm outta here for the weekend. Like the song says,I don't have to be me till Monday.
Ya'll keep it between the lines!

Losing Ground

I suppose I should say losing pounds.
I have lost a few.
Although reading posts like the one by Mary Lou doesn't help(really Mary Lou, cream cheese frosting and graham crackers!).
Now I'm not going to tell you how many pounds have gone searching for a new butt to attach themselves too (don't blame me Mary Lou if they come knocking on YOUR door). I will tell you there are two fewer inches on me bum, and three inches off the waist. Sadly there are also 3 1/2 inches off the girls. I'm down two sizes in my jeans. And even the smaller size is getting kinda loose. I've been washing them in hot water hoping they'll shrink. Either it's not working or I'm shrinking right along with em.
I've been indulging in bubble baths more often of late. You know I never realized how many cool bath products there are out there. Sometimes I go to bed smelling so good it makes me want eat me (oh come on, get your minds out of the gutter!). Did you know there's this awesome shower gel that gives your skin this delightful glow? Man I just love this stuff.
All in all I'm feeling pretty good these days. Which might be why that bitch Lady Depression didn't have any luck with me. She better get used to it.

The real test comes next week. Springbreak officially starts today. Zachary will be here next week. If he doesn't drive me to drinking eating, I may be on my way to success. On top of that Robert will be returning from his monthy sojourn to the upcountry.
Something tells me I'm gonna need 10,000 angels to get me through the next week.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wednesday's Wonderings

Inquiring minds want to know...

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice(it is okay to EAT said sacrifice, right), I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1: 9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? (Everytime we cook-out there's this neighbor that shows up wantin' to know what's up, please tell me I can smite him.)

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery(and considering she hasn't had a job in over a year, I'm guessing this may be hard to do), as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. In this day & age, what would be a fair market price for her? (I'm reckon I'm going to have to take a cut rate on her, considering the above.)

3.I know I(I'm assuming this means men AND women) am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15: 19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking,(well actutally "I/Wanda" haven't) but most women take offense. (Ya think?)

4. Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may own slaves, both male & female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? (If I can own Canadians, I sooo want to own Carl. Maybe Leslie will come along as a package deal?)

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35: 2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? (Trust me I have neighbors I would consider following through with)

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree, can you settle this? (I don't even know what to say to this idea)

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle room here? (Geesh I hope there's wiggle room here, I couldn't find the alter without my glasses)

8. Most of my male (and female) friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die? (I'm guessing that whole shaved head thing is going to get some folks in deep trouble)

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? (Now seriously who really wants to touch the skin of a dead pig?)

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester blend). He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24: 10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20: 14)? (What? You mean sleeping with your in-laws is a no-no? Oh man are people in the Alabama/Georgia/Mississippi, screwed. Aw heck I'd bet there's even folks in Arkansas that have ahankering for their good looking in-laws)

The Good Christian's answer to these questions?
"I'm pleased to be able to help you. If you are a Christian, you don't have to keep the Old Testament law! I'm sure this will come as a great relief to you, your neighbors, and your family members who are in danger of you stoning them. In fact, this issue was settled in the Jerusalem Council in the first century A.D. If you read the book of Galatians, you will find that we are no longer under the Law of the Old Testament, but we are under the "law of Christ." So we do not have to keep the things found in the Old Testament (yes, even the Ten Commandments), because we are under the new law of grace. However, we must keep anything that is stated by Christ or the New Testament writers, as this makes up our new law...."

I don't know about anyone else, but now, I'm REALLY confused. If we no longer have to abide by the laws of the Old Testament, then what are all these rightwing [nut] pseudo-christians, rantin' and ravin' about?
What's the big deal with the need to have the Ten Commandments posted everywhere, especially in courtrooms/courthouses, and Federal buildings?
If we're now following the laws of Christ, shouldn't we be trying to be more Christ-like? And if I recall correctly, wasn't Christ all about compassion, love, giving, serving, and FORGIVING? So what's up with all this judgemental crap I'm hearing from the right?

You know what I think? I think these people better HOPE, God is a forgiving God. Cause otherwise there are going to be a lot of self-rightous [pseudo-]Christians writhing in hell along side all those hOmOsexUals they hate so much.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Tuesday's with Wanda

An old enemy of mine came visiting this past week. She comes around every now and then. I never know when she'll show up on my doorstep. One morning I'll wake up and there she is. Sitting beside my bed, daring me to just try and get up. She's holds me down, pressing in on me with all her negativity, all her pessimism. "No one cares what you do," she says. "Do you really think they even care if you get out of this bed?" she asks. "Why don't you just stay here, where it's warm. Where you don't have to face the world and all its misery?" She'll caress me with words of doom and gloom. By the time she leaves, all the hard work I've done, all I've accomplished is gone. I imagine her skipping out my door laughing, saying to herself, "My work here is done, on to other fools who'll listen and obey..."
It's been tough these past few days. She's worked overtime, pushing, pulling, using all her powers of persuasion. I still feel her lurking somewhere in the background of my mind. Angry, because she's still here. Because her plan isn't going as easy as she assumed it would. She doesn't know what to think of this Wanda. I imagine her asking herself, "Who the heck is this crazy woman?" "Where is my weak, spineless, whiney, wimpy Wanda?"
I'm counting on her giving up soon. Realizing this is just more work than she's got time for. After all there are other people she has to see. Other minds to wreak havoc with. Other lives to disrupt. I feel sorry for them, but I won't be sorry to see her go. Those of you who know her, beware, she's going to be in one nasty mood when she leaves my house. Somebody's gonna pay. I'm sorry friends, but this time, it's not gonna be me. This time I'm going to win.
Lady Depression won't break me.

On a lighter note, Brenda's new look has inspired me to do a bit of freshening up. Go check her out, it looks so pretty over at her place. Thanks Bren!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

I Believe...

I believe, we don't have to change friends,
if we understand, friends change

I believe no matter how good a friend is
they're going to hurt you once in a while
and we must forgive them that

I believe true friendship continues to grow
even over the longest distance
Same goes for true love

I believe you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life

I believe it will take me a lifetime
to become
the person I want to be

I believe you should always leave loved ones
with loving words
it may be the last time you see them

I believe you can keep going on long after
you think you can't

I believe we must hold ourself responsible for what we do
no matter how we felt when we did it

I believe hero's are the people who do what has to be done,
but always remember, sometimes the ends do NOT justify the means

I believe sometimes the people you expect the least of
will surprise you by doing the best they can

I don't believe anyone has the right to be cruel
but sometimes the truth is cruel,
and sometimes the truth is best

I believe no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world won't stop turning,
the sun will still rise in the morning
life will go on
and you have to find a way to go on too

I believe two people can see the exact same thing
yet they both will see something completely different

I believe that as important as it is for those you love to forgive you
the hardest part is forgiving yourself

I believe we are all equal in God's eyes

I believe change is possible,
but you really have to want to change to make it happen

I believe love will sustain you through things you think you can't survive

I believe we should all listen to the song that's playing
and take the advice
Live like you were dying.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Still Dreaming...

You are Dance.You prize grace, action and immediacy, but this does not mean you are impatient. You are physical in your expression, although you tend to be (but are not always) abstract. You get along well with Music and Sculpture.

Take this quiz!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Whatever May Come

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I can't change
I've found you can find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived that I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

The first time I heard this song, I cried. Maybe the man who wrote it didn't know it, but I know, this song was written for me.
Maybe, forgiveness will find me somewhere down the road.

Friday, March 10, 2006

A Pirate Looks at Forty

or 50, maybe even 60

This post is dedicated to David. When I hear this song he's the first person who comes to mind. I think he'd have been an awesome pirate.

Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call
Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall
You've seen it all, you've seen it all

Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam
And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen
Most of 'em dream, most of 'em dream

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder
I'm an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late

I've done a bit of smugglin', I've run my share of grass
I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast
Never meant to last, never meant to last

And I have been drunk now for over two weeks
I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks
But I got stop wishin', got to go fishin'
Down to rock bottom again
Just a few friends, just a few friends

I go for younger women, lived with several awhile
Though I ran 'em away, they'd come back one day
Still could manage to smile
Just takes a while, just takes a while

Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I've found
My occupational hazard being my occupation's just not around
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown
I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Sweet Dreams

Wanna hear about my dreams of late?

Cheeseburger In Paradise

Tried to amend my carnivorous habits
Made it nearly seventy days
Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds
Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays

But at night I'd had these wonderful dreams
Some kind of sensuous treat
Not zuchinni, fettucini or bulghar wheat
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise)
Heaven on earth with an onion slice (paradise)
Not too particular not too precise (paradise)
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

Heard about the old time sailor men
They eat the same thing again and again
Warm beer and bread they said could raise the dead
Well it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn

Times have changed for sailors these days
When I'm in port I get what I need
Not just Havanas or bananas or daiquiris
But that American creation on which I feed

Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise)
Medium rare with mustard 'be nice (paradise)
Heaven on earth with an onion slice (paradise)
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well good God Almighty which way do I steer for my

Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise)
Makin' the best of every virtue and vice (paradise)
Worth every damn bit of sacrifice (paradise)
To get a cheeseburger in paradise
To be a cheeseburger in paradise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

I like mine with lettuce and tomato
Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer
Well good God Almighty which way do I steer for my

Bet that's not what you were expecting huh?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Profiles in Courage

The Purpose Driven Life

"The brightest light has gone out. We will forever celebrate her loving spirit."--Robin Williams

"She showed us all the true power of love. (She was) an unflinching optimist, who never let anything get her down, and if she did she never showed us."--Jane Seymour

"Despite the adversity that she faced, Dana bravely met these challenges and was always an extremely devoted wife, mother and advocate."--Bill Clinton

Dana Reeve announced she had lung cancer in August 2005, less than two years after the 2004 death of her husband, an actor paralyzed in a 1995 horse-riding accident. I remember that day.
I remember her saying, "Just when you think your about to reach the end of the tunnel, when you think you can finally see the light, life deals you yet another blow. I gave up long ago thinking life was fair. It's not."
I also remember an interview where Christopher shared what Dana had said to him after his accident. "You're still you, and I love you. And, we'll get through this. I'll stick with you no matter what and that, you know, we can do this. And I believe you can do it. And we'll just figure out a way to live a life."

To me these two things speak so clearly of who and what Dana Reeve was. She was a woman of courage, strength and purpose. A woman worthy of the respect and admiration of those of us who were witnesses to a life well lived.
The light that shines in this old world is a bit dimmer today. She was only on loan to us. I know they must be rejoicing in heaven. She and Chris are side by side. As it was meant to be.

At last you have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And now you, and sweet Christopher too, dance the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Godspeed dear Dana!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Wednesday's Woes

It was inevitiable. Sooner or later I was gonna have a bad day. Yesterday sucked. One big major annoyance (one of these day's I'm actually going to balance my checkbook and it's going to be RIGHT). A few minor aggravations. Fortunately no major setback on the personal front. I've got my music, I've got my friends, and I've got my faith. This too shall pass.
For now I'll share this with ya...
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now,
Oh, you're a hard one, I know that you got your reasons,
These things that are pleasin' you can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table,
But you only want the ones you can't get.
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger,
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home,
And freedom, oh freedom, well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine,
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day.
You're losin' all your highs and lows,
Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you,
Let somebody love you.
You better let somebody love you,
before it's too late

Not that I'm desperate or anything. Just a bit on the down side today. Or rather tonight (it's actually still Tuesday evening). I sure could use someone to snuggle up with tonight.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Monday, Monday

What can I say? It's Monday.
Robby and I went out to eat yesterday. Yes, I have a son still willing to be seen in public with his Mother. Will wonders never cease?
We went to Ryan's. Ryan's is one of those smorgasbord places. There are islands of food, and tons of food on those islands. Every thing from mac & cheese to steak. I won't even mention the dessert bar. For someone on a diet, it's about as close to hell as you can get. On the other hand for a guy like Robby, it's pretty much heaven with tables.
Guess what?
I did just fine.
I had a small piece of fish, flounder I think. Steamed veggies, and a small piece of steak, which I ended up not eating because it was TOO rare. No dessert. Ice water to drink. I know that doesn't sound like much but I was full when I finished. The best part? Sitting there, having this nice conversation with my youngest son, in my new size smaller jeans there were TOO big! Trust me no amount of food can compare with the feeling I felt. It was the first time I can ever remember leaving a restaurant not feeling bad about having over-eaten.
Speaking of rock. Are there any Lynyrd Skynyrd fans out there? I know the music I have here is usually country, but, believe it or not I'm not really a country music fan. I actually prefer 70's/80's Southern Rock and Motown. I love me some Marvin Gaye (Me & Mrs Jones, I Heard It Through The Grapevine). Anyway (ooo Piggy's fav word) I found out you can go to the Wal-Mart website and create your own CD (thanks SALLY!). Now is that totally cool or what? So I'm in the process of making myself a customized CD, with some Skynyrd, some Steve Miller Band (Space Cowboy) some Allman Brothers, and of course some Eagles.
I guess Monday's aren't so bad after all.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Dedicated to...

One True Friend

I met this stranger
waiting for a plane
laid over in Dallas
can't recall his name
something he told me
stuck in my mind
he said, Son

consider yourself lucky if you ever find
one True Friend
with you till the end
somebody who's on your side through any fight your in
rise or fall you've got it all
you've got it all
if in this life You find just
one true friend

some people never know a friend like that
some people loose it not knowing what they had
but you've been there for me
and that means a lot
oh what a feeling it is knowing
that I've got

one true friend
with me till the end
somebody who's on my side through any fight I'm in
rise or fall I've got it all
Cause in this life I found my one true friend
And you have always been my true friend.

MY one true friend.

Hearts can be broken by more than the loss of a lover. Losing a friend can be just as painful. Especially if it's someone you considered your one true friend.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

[Don't] Look At Us

Over the past few years I've spoken more than once about my marriage. I know I've created the impression that it's been pretty bad. In all honesty, I have to admit that's pretty close to the truth. But, as with all truths there is more than one side to the story. It hasn't been all bad.
While visiting [Cowboy] Joe's blog today I heard the song that's playing (Look At Us). It brought back a rush of memories. The last time I heard that song was on my 25th wedding anniversary. For some reason my husband requested the band play it for us. I'm not really sure why. Our song has always been Unchained Melody. I couldn't fathom why he chose that song. I still don't know why. I certainly hope that we're not his idea of true love.
From the beginning our relationship has been tumultuous, at best. We started out on the wrong foot and it only got more complicated as the years went by. I never felt like he was really committed, or that he was really in love with me. In all fairness, I can't say I was ever really in love with him. I loved him, and I know in his own way he loved me. The best he knew how.
I know he tried. I know he did. I think he just got tired of trying. I know I did. There's been a lot of pain and not all of it mine. I know more than once I must have hurt him. Especially over the past few years. I guess I just got so hard that I stopped caring. Living with me can't have been easy. At some point I think we both realized, it just shouldn't be this hard.
When we were living in Germany, he came down on orders to go to Iraq (this was during the first Gulf War). While he was gone, I got very involved in community work. I worked closely with his old Commander. He was a wonderful man. We became close friends. Of course as in all close communities there were those who gossiped. There were 'rumors' that we were more than friends. We weren't. Robert never believed that. He couldn't believe a man could be just friends with me. What he didn't understand, in fact never understood, was that while the man may have wanted more, and maybe even I did too. Maybe a little. Still that was a line I couldn't cross. Especially not with him off fighting in a war. That wasn't me. It hurt me that he didn't 'get that'.
As stormy as our marriage has been, it hasn't all been bad. There were good times. Like the trip we made across country when our two boys were just toddlers. On a Greyhound bus no less. Oh what a trip that was. Then there was the trip we made from Georgia to Washington state on AmTrak. Again, oh what a trip. It was so fancy. I loved dining in the lavish dinning car. And the views were phenominal. We had so much fun. The boys were well behaved and we got lots of compliments on how sweet and good they were.
When he returned from Iraq, we took a trip to Berchtesgaden. Again on a bus. A very elaborate tour bus. This time with all four kids. It was amazing. We staying in the beautiful hotel. In a suite that overlooked the mountains. We visited the salt mines and even The Eagles Nest (which was Hitler's favorite hideout durning his reign of terror). I still take those pictures out and look at them sometimes. We had such a wonderful time. In fact that may well have been the best time we ever had. As a couple and as a family. It's a sweet, cherished memory.
Yes, we've had some good times. Best of all we've had four beautiful wonderful children. While I may not always be happy with the way they choose to live their lives, I love them all and am proud of them. Most of the time. They are my/our greatest accomplishment. Nothing I ever do will compare with the joy and satisfaction I have had just being their Mother.
Robert was a good father. He worked hard, rarely missing a day of work. He always did his best to support us. After a few rough years in the beginning, we rarely wanted for anything of importance. We've always had decent homes and nice cars. He was always around to take the boys to practice for whatever sport they were involved in. He was crazy about Kasey. She was always Daddy's little girl. I could count on one hand the number of times he ever had to 'spank' one of them. They always knew just how far to push their Daddy. He may not have been the greatest husband but he was a good father.
Most important, is knowing he tried. We both did. Now that our children are grown I think deep down we both know we want more. I just don't think we're going to find it with each other. I suspect he knows that as well. There's been too much pain and disappointment. As much as you might want, you can't unburn your bridges.
Still there are those sweet memories. Maybe it wasn't true love, but there was love. And in a way, there always will be.

Independence Day

For well over a year I've been ranting, raving, bitching, and screaming, "People wake up, something valuable is at stake here...". Very few people paid any attention to me. They laugh me off as some kind of crazy Liberal nut. When I wrote about the so called Christian-right and their determination to take over the 'moral highground'. Most everyone just blew me off.
Remember when I ranted about the TV show The Book of Daniel? Remember how so many thought it was perfectly acceptable for TV stations to refuse to air the program? Even though they'd never even seen the show? Do you remember the people who damned the show before it ever aired? Those who said they wouldn't watch it, not because of what they knew but because of what they'd heard? They never bothered to watch even one episode. And now they have the nerve to be upset because someone they know has been censored? Where were they when TV stations were censoring thousands of viewers?
I can't help but wonder. Did you really think it wouldn't come knocking on your own door sooner or later? Did you somehow think you were safe? Did you really believe you had nothing to loose?
Well guess what YOU contributed to it. When you refuse to stand up for the right of every American to choose what he/she watches, reads, or writes, you are saying it's okay to censor. You're saying it's okay to tell a man/woman/teenager what he or she is allowed to write or say.
There's a woman in Georgia who's lost her home, her job, her drivers license, and damn near everything she's worked her whole life for. Why? Because she had the nerve to follow up on her suspicions that there was something wrong with the electronic voting machines used in Georgia elections. Did anyone in this part of the blogosphere care? No, it was just another case of crazy Wanda writing about some other crazy woman. You know Wanda, she's always going on about some crazy thing or another.
It hasn't escaped my notice that the number of people who visit my blog has dropped significantly. Nor am I surprised. People seldom enjoy reading what they don't want to hear. Besides, it's just all so boring.
We all know the stories about people who've lost their jobs (and more) over their blogs. So why is anyone shocked that it could happen to someone they know and love? Did you really think it wouldn't come to this?
Step by step, one by one, our civil rights are being stripped away. If it's not in the name of "protecting us from terrorist", it's in the name of "religion". There is a segment of society who have decided they and they alone know what's best for the rest of us, and we can either get on board with it, or we can be 'dealt' with.
Speaking of terrorism, am I the only one who finds it damned interesting that the very administration that's been shoving the Patriot Act down our throats for the past five years, claiming we must protect ourselves from Muslim terrorist, is now the very same administration that is ready and willing to turn over the security to our nations ports to a country from the Middle East? A MUSLIM country. And their not just ready and willing, they're fighting for it.
Tonight as I read all my usual blogs, and I read the outrage, I found myself wondering why are they surprised? Now I'm also wondering, are you ready to pull your heads out of the sand and get involved? Is there anyone who's ready to stand up and say, NO MORE? Not just in defense of the people you know, but in defense of every blogger, author, actor, movie maker, ect. Because you know what, it won't stop here. In fact it won't stop until we all stand together and say it stops.
For starters, start paying attention to the mid-term elections that are coming up. Get to know those candidates. Find out what they stand for. Where do they stand on things like freedom of speech, and the right to a fair and speedy trial. The right of every American to make their own personal choices regarding their lifestyle, their minds and their bodies. When you protect those rights you protect the rights of every blogger who's been hurt because they chose to open up and share their thoughts, feelings and opinions with the world wide web.
In this case, when you protect the rights of the many, you protect the rights of the few. It has to start somewhere.

An Audience of One
A Touch Of Heaven
Always Victoria
Bacon and Eh's
Causin a Kimmotion!
Chocolate Starfish
Critter Chick
Defiance Dolls
Emptying My Head
Joe Cool
Life After Nexcom
Life on Whidbey
Lumbering Soul
Mind Diversion
My Insanity
Out in the Open
Southern Secrets
Split Splat (KB)
Talk With Desiree
Txoceanlover's Laments
What's Up Down South
Wind Spirit
Star Wars Fan Films