Friday, February 24, 2006

The Road Not Taken

Sometimes people who seem to be fairly intelligent will do incredibly stupid things. I am living proof of this.
I know the stories about people losing their jobs over blogs. I have experienced firsthand what happens when family members stumble across one's blog. You'd think I'd have remembered.
The thing is I've been so caught up in my own little changing world, I'd forgotten. Reality came knocking on my door today.
Not everyone is enthusiastic about the decisions I've been making of late. Believe it or not there are those who think I'm behaving like a child. Words like "silly" and "embarrassing", were bandied about. Even the dreaded "middle-aged crisis" was tossed in for good measure.
Tonight I'm feeling wounded and uncertain. Maybe I am acting like a silly ole fool. Maybe I should accept this is my life and just live with it. Learn to age gracefully. It would be the responsible and mature thing to do.
I've always done the responsible thing. I've always done what was best for everyone. That's what grown-ups do, right? I've been down this road before. I know where it leads.
Why is it the people who say they love us, are willing to hurt us? Is someone else's vision of me, of who I am, more important than my own? When do we get permission to stop living for others and get to live for ourselves?
Thing is, I had this crazy idea that maybe, just once before I hang up my hopes and dreams, I could fly again. Is that really so much to ask?

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