Thursday, February 09, 2006

I'm Sorry

Sometimes when you've been in pain so long, you almost forget what it feels like to be happy. To have hope in your life. Then something happens and life begins to take on a new look for you. In the excitement of the moment, it's easy to forget those who've stood by you through the long dark days of sadness. The people who endured your endless negativity, your whining, your depression that never seemed to end. You assume, as you begin your journey into this new phase in your life that everyone will be as thrilled and happy as you are. Maybe you even think it will be a relief for them. They will no longer have to be your constant cheerleader (I soooo wanted to say constant gardener). You don't mean to be selfish, you're just so happy, you forget that maybe, just maybe not everyone will be as enthusiastic as you are.
I'm afraid, I've been careless with the hearts and feelings of those who have been my companions in this foray into pessimism and melancholy. I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to ignore your feelings. I can offer up excuses, but that's what they'd be, excuses. So let me tell you how much you mean to me.
You have been my friend when I felt I had none. You have given me strength when I was so sad it was all I could do to breathe. In the darkest hours of my life, you were there for me. You made me see life was worth living and I was worthy of being loved. When I didn't listen you kept right on talking. You never gave up on me. I owe you more than words can ever express. I will never forget how you were there for me. I would never hurt you intentionally. I would never leave you behind.
As I begin this odyssey I want you there with me. Yes, I will change. Yes it will be strange. For both of us. But we can learn and grow together. Maybe somewhere along the way, I can even help you. Maybe someday, I can show you just how much you have given me.
Please know that no matter what life has in store for me, you my precious friend will always be in my heart and on my mind.


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