Monday, January 09, 2006

New California?


sorry Canada I'm moving to New California!


A few days ago I received the following email. Most of you have probably already seen it, but I just had to share it with you anyway. It's just chock full of facts and good ideas. Twould only that it could be so.

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California (all the blue states for that matter*), and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of miserable people in loveless marriages who engage in adultry on a daily basis. Either in reality or fantasy.**

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and antiwar, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all

living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Caltech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Seattle, Hawaii and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

the happy citizens of New California.


*My addition
**My addition as well.
~~~~~~~


Oh yeah, I am so moving to Washington state. I have some good friends on Whidbey Island, maybe they (Phyl, Mary Lou?) will put me up. Yeah I know one of them is a republican, but with all the news about what bad boys and girls the republicans have been of late, I might be able to convert her.

I just have one question. All that good pot we're taking, is that going to be legal for personal use?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home




An Audience of One
A Touch Of Heaven
Always Victoria
Bacon and Eh's
Boydcreek
Canuckville
CassieB!!
Causin a Kimmotion!
Chocolate Starfish
Critter Chick
Cul-de-Sac
CandyTufft
Defiance Dolls
Emptying My Head
4EverDawn
Joe Cool
Life After Nexcom
Life on Whidbey
Lumbering Soul
Mind Diversion
My Insanity
Out in the Open
Otto
Southern Secrets
Split Splat (KB)
Talk With Desiree
Txoceanlover's Laments
What's Up Down South
Wind Spirit
Star Wars Fan Films