Friday, October 14, 2005

There are those of us for whom sleep is an elusive dream. For more years than I can recall insomnia has been my curse to bear. It's not as if I can't sleep. I can. Just let me sit down to watch TV or read a book and in less than 20 minutes I'm out like a light. The problem is, it doesn't last. Twenty, thirty minutes, an hour at the most and I'm awake. And not that rested, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed kind of awake, but that groggy what-did-I-just-do kind of awake. I have tried everything known to man, warm milk, sleep aids, deep breathing excercises, soothing music, all kinds of tea, you name it I've probably tried it. Nothing works.

The bedroom is dark. Everyone else is asleep. I yawn, stretch my arms behind my head, and lie there staring at the ceiling. I've been in my bed for several minutes. Ahhh, the peace and quiet is all around me.
I'm very tired, but I can't get to sleep! I toss and turn this way, then that way. I cross my legs, then uncross them. I lie on my stomach, then flip onto my back. Now my side.
Okay, it's been twenty minutes now. My brain won't shut off. There are so many things to think about, including "why in the world can't I fall asleep?"
Each passing moment leads to increased frustration. My mind jumps ahead to tomorrow, thinking about all the things I need to get done, all the while knowing that I'll only be able to do so by dragging this exhausted and fatigued body around for the entire day.
I've had people tell me, "if you can't sleep, don't go to bed". The problem with that is I'd probabaly not see a bed for weeks. Not only that but I'd also probably end up killing myself and or someone else, falling asleep while driving, cooking or some equally normal everyday task.
Eventually of course I do fall asleep. Then, it's almost impossible to wake up. At least wake up enough to function at a normal level.
This past week someone suggested I try this new sleep drug called AMBIEN.
Of course I've also had people suggest I try smoking pot.
It's now 3:30 AM and I'm wide awake. I'm thinking maybe drugs, of one kind or another, might not be so bad.

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