Saturday, October 01, 2005

Matchstick Men

I almost never take our truck in for servicing. Primarily because most of what needs to be done, can be accomplished by the men of the Breathe household. Oil changes, brake pads and such are the domain of the Roberts. Between the two of them, they keep Ms Jeepy running smoothly.
There are of course things they cannot handle. New tires is one. So when the annual 'time for new tires' rolls around we start er up and take er down to the local tires and stuff store. They do more than sell tires and accessories, but that's about all WE need from them.
"I" don't "do" this. The 'tire store' is not on my list of favorite shopping spots. There's more than one reason for this, but they all pretty much come back to the same thing. "Me", and my inability to bite my tongue, or mind my manners. I can't abide being treated like some brainless bimbo.
You all know him. That "guy". Every town has one. You know the type. He thinks he knows everything, and he's hellbent on showing the world how much he knows and how what he knows is the beginning and end to any subject. Men have been known to alternately wither or fall asleep in his presence. Women either, act like the brainless bimbos he so loves (this involves giggling, batting their eyelashes and blushing), try their best to ignore him and spend as little time in his company as possible, or they explode. Guess which one best describes "ME"? You can rest assured it's been ages since I did that giggly, embarrassed, female thing. For this reason, it has been decreed that "Mom" does NOT take the truck in for new tires.
Ah the best laid plans of mice and men. The appointment had been made. Robert #2 would do the honors. Then life stepped in and plucked it up. But wait I said, stiffening my spine, "I can do this". I'll take along a friend, we'll drop Jeepy off and I'll never even have to encounter Mr I'm God's gift not just to women, but to all mankind as well . I shoulda known better.
We dropped off the Jeep around 11-ish. No problem. The truck would be ready in a 'couple of hours' so my girlfriend and I are off to lunch and a bit shopping. Note to any who might care, Barnhills has the best roast beef ever to been served. The best. We ate, we shopped, then headed back to the 'tire store' to retrieve Jeepy.
Upon our arrival, we exited her car and took ourselves inside to pay the bill and then be on our way. Mind you we behaved very properly, after all if one doesn't wish to be treated like a bimbo, one should refrain from such behavior. So we walk up to the counter and I tell the girl I'm there to pick up my truck. Without a glance she asks which one would that be? I tell her my name and which vehicle I'm there for. Slowly she looks up at me, and there is a deafening silence in the room. "Oh" she says, "Ah okay, ah, yeah, um just a sec", "Oh, yeah, here it is." The look on this girls face would be hilarious, if you didn't know what was about to happen. Haltingly she says the dreaded words, "Mr D wanted to talk to you about your truck." I can only imagine the courage it took for her to make that statement. "No," I said to her, "He doesn't." There for a moment I thought she was going to cry. Seriously. "Well," she says, "HE thinks he does." Somewhere in the back halls of the office people were making bets. On the street corner someone was selling tickets. All of this occurring in the span of five minutes, or less.
Small town drama at it's best. The local [if only self-proclaimed] lothario was about to encounter this small town's version of Hillary Clinton. That's not really fair to Hillary, I'm way more sexy than she is (then again, who isn't), so he will be distracted by my semi-tight jeans and reasonably nice ass, which is going to put him at a disadvantage. On the other hand I don't suffer fools well, and sexist ones even less. My inability to control my tongue and put my thoughts in order when stressed, may give him just the opening he needs. For one of us this is NOT going to be pretty.
Darn, I just got a call and I have to leave for awhile, so guess what? You'll have to check back later for the rest of the story.
Oh come on, you KNOW you soooo wanna know the rest.

Update: Part two is in the post BELOW

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