There's a storm across the water, clouds are rolling in...

The way folks in these parts are acting you'd think there was a storm headed our way.
What's that you say? There is?
Nah.
Yeah, I know there's a bad boy out there in the Gulf. Churning his way north. I know he's already done some damage. Taken some lives. I just don't think he's coming this way. Maybe the folks in Mississippi and New Orleans should be concerned but not people here in Podunt. We may enjoy a bit of rain with a squall or two of wind but we're in no real danger. Not enough to be boardin' up windows, closing down businesses and takin' to the hills.
I have to say, these hurricane's are becoming a bit of an annoyance. They are killing and maiming innocents and causing massive property damage. Leaving an ever widening path of destruction in their wake. I think it's time we enact some of that Patriot Act on their asses. Come to think of it this oppressive heat is getting out of hand as well. I say we put out a bounty on Mother Nature. Hunt her down! We could start by sending troops into the South of Africa to ferret out those rouge weather systems lurking there. Just waiting for an opportunity to slither their way into the west to destroy our way of life. You know it's because all those Africans hate us.
I've had enough. I say we declare a war on the weather!