Wednesday's [Wicked] Wisdom

Reasons to be a Republican

Jeff Gillenkirk, writing in the San Francisco Chronicle has decided that since he recently turned 55, it's time to be a Republican.

"The reasons are many, not the least of which is age. I turned 55 recently and, having lived more than half my life, I can't afford to worry anymore about the other guy. It's time for me.

As a Republican, I can now proudly -- indeed, defiantly -- pledge to never again vote for anyone who raises taxes for any reason. To hell with roads, bridges, schools, police and fire protection, Medicare, Social Security and regulation of the airwaves.

President Bush has promised to give me more tax cuts even though our federal government owes trillions of dollars to its creditors. But that's someone else's problem, not mine. Republicans are about the here and now, and I'm here now.

As a Republican, I can favor exploiting the environment for everything she's got. No need to worry about quaint notions like posterity and natural legacy. There are plenty of resources left for everyone, and if we don't use them, someone else will.

I want a party that doesn't worry about things before we have to. Republicans refuse to get hog-tied by theories such as global warming, ozone depletion, fished-out oceans and disappearing wetlands. The real problems -- if there are any -- aren't forecast to take hold for at least 50 years. So what do I care? I'll be dead.

Since I've finally made it to the old double nickel, I'm old enough to remember back 20 years or so when a fellow named James Watt was Secretary of the Interior. Watt was sort of a forerunner of today's fundie-fascist radical fringe Religious Wrong. He figured that since Jesus was coming back any day now, there was really no need to pay any mind to all this ecology stuff. The party of Here and Now, indeed.

That brings to mind an old Doonesbury strip (it's Sunday morning, so I'm rambling on a bit). Congresswoman Lacy Davenport is talking with her maid and asks her where she is from. The maid replies that she is from Harlem. Lacy starts to reminisce about going to the Cotton Club during Harlem's "Golden Age."

The maid says she doesn't recall any Golden Age of Harlem. Her recollection of Harlem was a place of hard times and lost hope.

Lacy tells her to have faith, that Harlem will rise again.

The maid replies, "Yes'm. So will Jesus, but I ain't waitin' up nights."
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The good news for me is , if 55 is the turning point, I've got a few years to go before I turn to the dark side.