Monday, February 23, 2004

Wind Beneath My Wings

I've heard it said that God (or life) will not give you more than you can endure. I don't believe that. If that were so, there wouldn't be so many broken minds, and spirits. So many damaged souls.

Life has not always been kind to me. I have known heartbreak. There have been some really tough times. I have been so hurt, so betrayed, and defeated that I didn't think I could go on. But, with the help of friends and family, I found a way and I survived.
Back about 5 or 6 years ago I lost my Mother. No, she didn't die. She is very much alive. But I finally gave up on ever being what it was she thought I should be. I just got tired of never measuring up to whatever line she had drawn for me. I grew weary of the never ending quest to meet her approval. That cold disapproving look broke my heart and spirit one too many times. It took a long time, but I finally found the strenght to walk away.
Occasionaly I hear ( through others ) that she ask about me. She wonders why I don't come to see her. I'm guessing that maybe for some reason, she misses me. That's too bad. Because I don't miss her. Not anymore.
If that makes me sound cold and heartless, so be it. I've changed a lot in the past 10 years. I am not the woman I used to be. She is gone.
When I see people who have endured so much pain in their lives and still remain, warm , loving, kind, good and trusting people. I am enthralled by them. They possess some inner strenght that I do not. They are my hero's.
I dont think any less of myself. I am what I am. A wounded spirit that will probably never soar again.
That doesn't stop me from admiring the Eagles when they fly.
As you go through your life, be careful of the things you say and do. Don't be the one who breaks the heart or the spirt of another.

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