Why We Are Alone

OK, so a couple of Jehovah's Witness members came to the door the other day. Like most non-cult-associated Americans, I turned off the lights and hid behind the sofa until they left. While I was back there I decided to read the Washington Post.. since I couldn't turn the tube on and didn't want to walk in front of the window to get to my computer..
Man, the paper is depressing! Looking at the conflict in the world got me thinking.. and I now know why the human race is all alone in the universe. See, by most standards the Earth is considered to be a very young and small planet. It's a freaking miracle that this little rock has life on it at all. Now, if you walk down that line for a minute.. and think.. reason would have it that most of the little green men would come from planets that are older and larger than Earth.
Armed with the above logic.. I must assume that all the little green men have already killed themselves. I mean, we live on a small planet and there are only a few billion of us.. right? If we can't get a few billion people to get along on a small rock... how the hell would the aliens from planet Shmegma keep from killing each other.. they've got to have two to ten times as many people there.. just imagine how many more assholes they have to deal with?!? Shit, I bet you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a few dozen six-eyed dicks during the morning commute to the alien capital of Smootze. They had to have blown themselves up a long time ago. They never reached deep space..
We'll never reach deep space either.. How can we? We're too busy arguing about who owns all the dam oil and whether or not we should have condom dispensers in high school bathrooms. We sent a couple of guys to the moon FORTY YEARS AGO... yet we still have people living in cardboard boxes.. dying of starvation.. dying of AIDS.. dying of boredom.
If I'm wrong.. then the aliens are really smart and really with it.. they saw us coming.. and are hiding behind their sofas waiting for us to leave. ??
Thanks again to David for this little tidbit.